Can we stop calling each other names and making snide remarks all the time? School kids do it and the common yahoo does it ad infinitum on internet political forums around the world, but do journalists writing for the Wall Street Journal on-line and who’ve been to journalism school need to do it, too?
Drum-roll, please, and feel free to sing the first paragraph of the Wall Street Journal article to the tune of The Battle Hymn of the Republic–the author must have been humming Glory, Glory, Hallelujah! while writing. Those of you who are “lyrically impaired” may want to skip this section:
1st line: “Saturday’s tragic train crash near Wenzhou, in the coastal province of Zhejiang” [you have to run-up quick a little bit at the end of that first line, and omit “of Zhejiang” or you’ll lose the cadence]
2nd line: “raises important questions about the Chinese government’s ability” [pause]
3rd line: “to ensure basic safety standards as it pursues the glory of” [long pause]
4th line: [then simply recall ‘His truth goes marching on,’ and sing, quick-time:] “superlative-inspiring trophy projects.”
chorus:Glory, glory Mao Ze Dong-yah,Itty-Bitty* put it to-yah,Economic plums are falling,[sing, “Superlative-inspiring trophy,” as one word] Superlative-inspiring trophy projects march on!
[*Itty-Bitty refers to Premier Deng Xiao Ping who, at 5′0″ in 1978 or ’79, effectively shelved communism and harnessed the great motivating power of greed inherent in capitalism to get China off the starting blocks.]
If you’re still with me and not hyperventilating after mucking through all those bracketed comments I made, here’s my beef: “Trophy.”
China is being told she’s a bad girl because she is using her new found wealth to build-up her infrastructure with “trophy” projects, like American men who now can come to China (in the past your American passport kept you standing outside the gate–I remember standing in Hong Kong’s New Territories within a few meters of the barbed-wire-topped 12-foot cyclone fence, and I took a picture of the fence and a sign in several languages that, in so many words, said, “Scram!” and wished I could get in) and pick up “trophy” wives? Is that the idea?
We all know what a trophy wife is, but what’s a trophy project–especially a “superlative-inspiring” one? Let me think, are there other examples? The Eiffel Tower? The Egyptian pyramids? The Empire State Building? The Super Dome? The (truly ‘superlative-inspiring’) American Interstate Highway System where tripple-trailer-tractor rigs roar down three-and-four-lane wide asphalt in freezing rain at 90 mph supplying the hog butchers and candlestick makers and grocers in every nook and cranny of America? How about Amtrack that derails on a regular basis?
Image by Gemma Sydney http://www.alphabetagemma.wordpress.com
Accidents happen. And they happen a lot in China. But accidents in China have nothing to do with “China pursuring the glory of superlative-inspiring trophy projects”–just ask the hundreds, thousands of coal miners who get buried alive every year in mining accidents. Or the college students who burn to death in dormitories that keep all their doors barred and locked at night, including the fire exits–what fire exits?
I’m always thrilled when the Chinese send up a rocket and it makes it, or they win a gold medal! So they must be doing some things right. But even though China can cheer me, it can also horrify me, and I would never defend China’s ability to screw up, any more than I would defend America’s. A case in point is the lack of workmanship and attention to detail in home construction in China. The moldings and baseboards in my house look like rats have been chewing on them, and they get worse every time I move some furniture or swat a fly. New apartment houses six months after completion often look like they’re ten years old, and it used to be that after a month they looked completely dilapidated. That’s China. But McDonald’s has moved in, and service is getting better! And China’s trying to keep up.
So if you must cast snide remarks, let the first one come from somebody who has never tried to create English à la Shakespeare with a made-up hyphenated adjective-gerund adjective. Which makes me ask, what, exactly, do they teach in journalism school these days?
Review: The Best Lighter-Than-Air Reading on WordPress
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“I have been too long gone, but long time readers know that following this blog is like watching a game of cricket. Nothing at all happens for a very long time, then all of a sudden when you least expect it, something very boring happens.
“I kid of course, cricket is fantastic – any game where you play for five days and still often end in a draw is one that this avid procrastinator can’t get enough of. To fall asleep for hours in front of the cricket and awake to find not much has changed – well isn’t that life itself?”
Soaringdragons: So begins a post on vivaminutiae, and it’s one of the best “irrelevant” openings for any article on WordPress that I’ve ever read. The post is about “ballooners,” but the intro is about cricket and the quirkiness of the author. Even avid ballooners would have a hard time figuring out what this post is about were it not for the mention of the “truck driver float” in the title. Then they would be asking, “Why is 6,000 years of human history, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness a metaphor for a cricket match?
And where are the balloons?” But if you’re not a ballooner you really won’t care if vivaminutiae first indulges in a bit of, well, minutiae before getting around to his subject. It’s not a big sin, we don’t think, but there is a chance that like some great authors he may find himself ultimately assigned to the 1st circle of Dante’s Inferno, but we hope not (unless he likes good conversation).
“This is my longest entry so far, and reflects the high (pun intended) esteem in which I hold those to whom it is dedicated: those magnificent men and their floating machines. Because this latest entry in The Horatio Files would like to pay tribute to the daring men who inhabit the rarified air (okay I’ll stop the lame wordplay – okay maybe a couple more, you’ll have to wait for them…) of the thrilling world of the cluster-ballooner.”
Soaringdragons: Cluster-what? Oh, ballooner. (What do you call a gathering of cluster-ballooners at 10,000 feet who are perilously close and in danger of becoming entangled?) This true introduction is short and to the point, but with enough asides and parenthetical comments (as was the entire faux-introduction) to let us all know that this article is going to be full of them–both amusing and bemusing–and rather than slow down the pace or irritate us, we’ll actually look forward to seeing them. Thus with many more delightful asides and general gabbing we are lead into the wonderful world of “cluster-ballooners”–how they go up and how they come down, sometimes very fast so that the actuarial tables for ballooners are a poorer bet than most horse races.
“This is not for the faint-hearted. You’d have to be some kind of ballunatic to even attempt it. Let me introduce Padre Adelir Antonio de Carli.”
Soaringdragons: Re-coining “ballooner” as ballooniere, balloonario, and ballunatic, the author goes into the history of ballooning, which all started with somebody’s “laundry drying in front of the fire,” and then the first public demonstration of a floating device on June 4, 1783, followed in September by the first “manned” test flight with a sheep, a duck and a rooster who looked at each other and said, “Are we going to market, or what?”
“I’ll admit that ‘ballooner’ doesn’t sound very cool,” vivaminutiae writes, but his description of the adventurous world of ballooners–which is a very small club of your not so average citizens who often stand in need of extensive psychological rewiring–is very cool and a lot of fun. So take your laptop out to your backyard and sit in a lawnchair, tie a few balloons to it just as Larry Walters below did in 1982, and vicariously enjoy the ride he accidentally took to 16,000 feet with vivaminutiae!