Monthly Archives: May 2011

Zoroaster or Bureaucrats, Who Came First?

All the prophets, like all the true poets and artists and philosophers, are iconoclasts. Why else do you think they killed Socrates? Continue reading

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Apocalypse Later

And if Mr. Camping missed the boat, that’s completely inconceivable because he was the first one to lay odds that May 21st was the day, even though historically nothing has ever happened on May 21st and it’s as though May 21st had never even existed until he brought it up–check your calendar! Continue reading

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Seeing Red in China as Tyke Gets Mowed Down

Occasionally gangs of pick-pockets will push people boarding the bus until they’re squeezed so tight that they can neither move nor feel their personal items being stolen. Maybe if the bus monitors would wield those long white truncheons in the same way train station guards do in order to bop unruly passengers on the head who are pushing and hopping barriers to board trains, the bus monitors would… Continue reading

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Outlive Your Regrets

We are going four different directions at the same time, and if you could do that in your car your kids would be throwing up on the floor. Continue reading

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Midas Couldn’t Turn Gossip into Gold

Remember how Midas the legendary king of Phrygia had to judge who was the better karaoke singer–Pan the Satyr or Apollo the god–and, of course, who’s going to sing better than the consummate party animal? Continue reading

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We are experiencing technical difficulties…

…there is nothing wrong with your monitor. Continue reading

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Open Invitation for “Death Bed Sayings”

“I have been waiting for this moment [my death] since my youth, and it is with extreme anticipation that I wait now.” Continue reading

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