Monthly Archives: April 2011

Splodin’ Pandas

I agree. There’s always a compromise, be it in music or anything else. It’s been that way since we came out of the trees: “I’d rather hunt rabbits than bears, but there’s nothing but bears around here.”

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Don’t Kick That Bucket!

“Let’s skydive on our 95th birthdays!” or “Let’s try treating our wives today as if we’re on a first date!” At 95 you can “step out of the box” by doing both those things, but only if the pilot has a hellacious amount of insurance and if your wife doesn’t lock herself in the bathroom for fear you’ve gone wackers.
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Diet, Disease, and Geography

Diet, disease, and geography go hand in hand. And since I know that many of the people reading this are eating American food and don’t want to move to China, cheer up! At least you’re not eating English food.
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Animal Spirits and Power Animals

Snakes in comparison are friendly, fun to handle, and seem like the well-wishers of humankind. They also say to stay away from fish unless you’re having them over for dinner with tartar sauce.
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Uncle Louie Adapts to America

…but because of his nature (perhaps in addition to being independent he was loud, brash, and disobedient) his leaders didn’t much care for him. In fact, he found himself regularly being sent to the worst areas, meaning where the worst fighting was going on. Continue reading

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Tarzan Lands on the Moon

I’m sure when the Chinese land on the moon the first man down the ladder will not sound like Tarzan the way Neil Armstrong did. Continue reading

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The Best Little Whorehouse Isn’t in Texas

Don’t you think most people would know if they spent a night in a whorehouse? Continue reading

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